This is one of the only things I wrote that is close to 100% true, don't take it lightly.
Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek help.
BTW ur basically admitting that u have mental problems go talk to a therapist, or family, someone close or anyone, and seek help.
If u contain it within u it'll only eat u away
Bloodlust is cool....go to gym.....learn martial arts...whatever involves physical exercise will help you. ..dota will only make it worse. .
Hmm true , gotta add a climatic ending .
One day while consumed in my thoughts of blood lust I met the love of my life . We spent countless hours everyday speaking about our wants and desires which mostly revolved around killing things . After several months living in my new found joy with my soul mate I, decided I could not suppress my desires any longer . Surprisingly my partner offered to be the sacrifice my heart so dearly desired . So one dark dreary night I slipped the dagger into my partners heart spilling blood all over myself . In per ecstasy my eyes began to close , never to open again.
Consider yourself lucky that you got Canadian citizenship and are staying on the opposite end of where China is. You should take every opportunity and just fucking do what you want to in life. Don't let your family hold you back. The only people who said "Family is the most important thing in life" are the people who come from good, loving and caring families. That doesn't apply to everyone. You can go ahead and make a life of your own. I can relate especially as someone who was abused in school. Bad childhoods usually result in people being abnormal like this. But this doesn't mean you can't function fully as a sociopath in society. Its a lot more common than you might think. And if you are one, then you won't need telling how to do it effectively. People don't often recognize that about you or notice it until you hit a peak of tolerance and just let go. Don't let that happen. Also, pursuing a career related to blood or gore or the likes will help. Think of it like the show Dexter, it showcases a lot of truth than fiction.
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Blood Lust
Since I was a child, violent images began to appear in my head. For example: hitting someone's head with a blunt object until their brain burst out together with blood; stabbing a guy with a sharp piece of metal, especially in their eyes; ripping someone’s throat out with my teeth, stepping on a person so hard that their rib punchers their lung after breaking. there is more.
The situation gets worse as I reach a unpleasant mental state. Whenever my brain is not occupied, they appear. That’s why I love writing and posting stuff like this, it calms my mind, so I don't think of killing someone with the most violent way possible. people that know me in real life usually use words like “easy-going, generous, joy and positivity” to describe me, I’ve never told anyone about my blood lust, or do anything like of the sort. Although, it's getting harder to control, they just kept coming, especially when I get stuck on a maths problem, thus I failed maths, physics, and chemistry in the last year of my high school. I told everyone that I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough, while the truth is still deep inside my mind.
Maybe it's the blood running through my veins, maybe I should choose a religion, maybe I should kill something or someone, though I doubt I could stop after I get the satisfaction of killing. There are time when those images are temporarily gone, it’s when I'm focused or in a state of serenity, like playing Dota or Starcraft, or watching Netflix or a Bob Ross video. The worst happens when I'm lonely, mostly when I'm alone on a bus ride or stuff like that.
Just to make it more relatable, there is my personal story. I was born on a beautifully spring night in China, I was physically abused by my father as a child, when I was very young, I was a kid that followed every single rule, I thought about the outcome before taking any action, I was bullied a few times in elementary school, at some point I thought “why should I give a fuck?” Then I started acting purely out of will and beat the shit out of anyone that’s in my way. Once a fat kid that pretty much bullied everyone tried to fuck with me, and got fucked instead, I didn't stop punching his face until blood squirting out of his purple bruise, nobody bothered me ever since, after that incident, I tried to be a nice guy, and I was quite successful.
When I was about 10 years old I came to Canada alone, my family back in China covered all my expenses. In Vancouver Canada, I lived with a Homestay family, quite a few years later I got my Canadian citizenship, that was the happiest period of my life. This June I graduated from high school, I came back to China to live with my family for 2 months, then I’ll be back in Quebec for college. However, during my stay in China, my blood lust started getting out of control, I have a burning desire to kill everyone I dislike.
My lonely bus ride is about to end, so ends my endless mumble about my personal issues, enjoy?